Reflection Friday: Burnout

Sometimes burnout looks like the first photo and sometimes it looks like the second.

The first is when you know you need to keep functioning and are somehow able to find the extra bit of energy to make it appear like you’re okay.

The second is when every 5 minutes you end up with your head in your hands trying to refocus, stay calm, and stay awake because you have a lot of work to do.

Neither is healthy. Neither is sustainable. Eventually, one way or another burnout will catch up to you.

For me, that happened today at lunchtime.

The first photo was taken yesterday, knowing that I had so much work to do and would likely end up awake for most of the night yet again. But it was a nice day and I was taking the dog for a walk and thought to myself, let’s take a photo because it looks nice outside. But let me tell you why I didn’t post it on its own yesterday.
Because it would have been fake. It would have been putting on an appearance that I was doing great which wasn’t the case.

The second photo was taken while I was writing my final paper of the semester two nights ago. I kept finding myself with my head in my hands, trying not to fall apart because I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. I was counting down the paragraphs until I was done.
Is it some of my best work? Absolutely not.
Why? Because my all was only about 10% of what I was physically, emotionally and mentally capable of finding, adrenaline included. I had spent countless almost all-nighters this week trying to play catch up on work, attend all the things I agreed to and finish exams and final assignments.

I have been burnt out for the majority of this semester. Struggling with personal and professional decisions that would change my pathway in life. Staying on top of school and basic living. Being a good roommate, friend, sister and daughter/granddaughter. Recovering from a concussion and confronting traumas and triggers. At the end of the day, all of my efforts ended up being subpar because I didn’t have it in me to do more.

So now, I am spending my weekend in bed sleeping and resetting. It’s long overdue, but I write this all in hopes you will do the same.

You’re not alone.

I believe in you!💜

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